Sunday, 26 December 2010

The Princess and the Pea

Hello travellers along the merry path of my mind!

Today we are going to be listening, or reading rather, a story!!  Inspired by the thoughts of a good friend, it made me think about my life and here's how it goes....

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away, there lived a Princess.  She was no ordinary Princess as she was rude, sarcastic and obnoxious but none the less, everyone thought she was a Princess.  However, despite her shortcomings, she was kind and loved the woodland creatures, in fact, any creatures and she was forever bringing them home, wherever home was.  One day, when the Princess had reached the age where she could be independent, walk home on her own and get a mobile phone, should she ever need one, she decided that she would go out into the world and learn about life, how it ticks along and what actually happens in the big bad world.  Now she knew that on the journey that she may meet some unsavoury creatures but that there were also kindly folk who would not want to see any harm come to her and then there were the knights, those in shining armour, who would want to grab hold of her, pull her onto their steed and wisk her away to far away lands that had limitless possibilities.  She just needed to be patient and bide her time.  So the Princess left the safety of her homeland and travelled far and wide, meeting many people along the way.  There was one problem in this, that was that the Princess did not see herself as a Princess, not someone to be treasured and kept as a prized possession by any knight and so the problems started.  Her self image was such that she saw herself as a servant girl, one who would never quite get to the point of meeting a knight, let alone being wisked away by one.  So one day a knight in training comes along, and he sees the Princess and she falls in love with him and they run away to his kingdom, he lived with his family in a village a fair way away from the land of the Princess and for many years, life was good.  But the Princess was struggling with the trainee knight.  He saw her as a prized possession and very soon became obsessive over her and she felt like a caged bird, let out only to see the sun when he was near.  Soon this became too much for the Princess and she longed to fly free and far away from the trainee knight - she soon learnt that the love that she once had for him was replaced by a feeling of possession, and she found that unbearable.  Nobody should be kept in a cage and one day when he least expected it, she flew out of the cage and into the sky.  She flew so high that when she looked down, she was giddy and had to rest on a branch of a nearby tree and it was at this point that she saw that the trainee knight was in a secret garden that she never knew existed with another servant girl (remember the Princess was not under the impression that she was a Princess at all!)  This was too much for the Princess to take and she flew and flew, her heart breaking with each flap of her wings until she arrived back into her kingdon, where another knight was waiting to catch her as she fell exhausted and battered from the flight.  She was tired and the strain of her escape had bruised her so the knight had to nurse her back to health and he kept her in his kingdom until she was healthy again.  It took some time but soon the Princess, no longer a bird but a Princess again, still under the impression that she looked more like a servant girl, was happy and she lived alongside her new knight, safe in the knowledge that she could be independent as she was no longer in a cage.  What she didn't realise was the cunning knight knew that cages were too obvious a trap to use and so one night he had placed a slight sliver chain around her ankle.  She was bound to him from that day on but never realised, she had enough chain to move around as free as she wished but she was bound all the same, she just never knew till later.  One day, whilst out with her knight, a wolf in sheep's clothing came along.  He decided that the chain was not an issue and wanted to take the Princess for his own - and he tried that very night.  The Princess was so upset and detested the wolf for his trickery and called to her knight to save her but her cries were left unanswered.  She was alone and yet bound to him and from that day, her life spiralled out of control.  The wolf lived to see another day and the Princess had to see the wolf, whilst the knight was protected from him.  All the Princess had to protect her from the wolf was her integrity, honesty and humanity but it was being stolen from her daily by the wolf and a pack of them had started to move into the kingdom.  The Princess was distraught and one day she took the decision to cut the silver chain that she had found and run as fast as she could from the kingdom and so she did.  She ran and she ran until her feet hurt and her legs could carry her no more.  There was a white knight who was riding the other way and he saw her running and followed, he saw her fall and he stopped and picked her up, put her on his horse and he carried her for a while.  All the time that he was carrying her, he looked out for her and in time she grew to love him and his caring ways.  But there was an underlying problem that the Princess had, in that she couldn't trust anybody - she had been let down so many times and been prayed upon by the wolves so she built herself a tower and when it was big and strong, she entered the tower and closed the door.  She climbed to the top of the tower where there was a solitary window and she sat there, talking from way up high, down to the white kinght.  She was safe in the knowledge that whilst she was in the tower on her own, nobody could hurt her and she could see the white knight below, making sure no foes could enter.  Years passed and the white knight and the Princess slowly stopped loving each other as they used to and became the best of friends and towards the end of the Princess's self inflicted incarceration in her self made tower, they gradually stopped talking to each other and became strangers.  The Princess decided that the tower had protected her for long enough and she slowly began to dismantle it, brick by brick until it stood at half the height she had originally constructed it at.  She decided that it should remain at half height and was to be there should she ever need its protection again and as she left the protection of the tower she spoke to the white knight, who said that he was to leave for another kingdom.  She bid him farewell and wished him luck, waved him goodbye and turned in the other direction.  She walked along the path into the forest where she had never been before and found that she was not scared, although it was dark and sometimes cold.  As she walked along she met kindly folk who walked with her, and knights who wanted to wisk her away to their kingdoms but she was wary - she looked into her mirror and all she saw was a lonely servant girl staring back - not a Princess.  One day a knight came along whom the Princess knew from when she was younger and she spoke to him of times that had passed. She was surprised when he called her a Princess and again looked at her reflection in the mirror but still the servant girl stared back at her.  She told the knight that she was waiting for her Prince Charming to come along and he said that she was really waiting for her knight in shining armour and she thought about this and decided that he was right, she was waiting for her knight in shining armour, however how was a servant girl supposed to get a knight to notice her.  The knight said that she was wrong and that she was a Princess but that he was not and had never been worthy and that baffled the Princess because she felt that she was not worthy of the knight.  So the Princess decided that until she meets her knight who will wisk her away, every night she will sleep with a pea under her mattress - and she has ever since.  The pea is uncomfortable but it helps to keep her grounded and is a memory of her battles that she has fought and either won or lost.  It reminds her of who she is and where she has come from. She still sees herself as a servant girl and probably always will, not the Princess that so many have declared her to be.  She sleeps with the pea in the hopes that someday soon, her knight will come and rescue her, take her into his arms and never let her go.  She wants to be free and allowed to live her days in the open air, not caged, shackled or locked in a tower.  And one day, hopefully, he will come and it will be the knight that she dreams of, and he will understand that he has always been worthy of her attention and that she won't give up on him and will not shackle him or keep him caged.  Then and only then can she stopsleeping on the pea.  She just wants to ride into the sunset and live happily ever after - in denim :)

To be continued..........hopefully x

Saturday, 13 November 2010

Single = Freedom

Hey ho travelling chums!!!

Reality hit home today - Single = Freedom.  A strange concept to get used to after 13 years being in one relationship or another!  Since becoming a batchelorette - that is my new title, I have found that I sleep less, through choice mainly although insomnia still knocks on my bedroom door on the odd occasion and stays for a week long holiday!  I have been blessing the wisdom I showed when I stood up to the lady in the Vodafone shop (other moblie phone providers are available) and stated that I wanted an i-Phone and that the contract that I wanted with 3000 texts included per month was the right package for me, she moaned and argued as my previous usage showed that even the basic package of 10 free texts per year would not have been suitable (ok, I'm embellishing that one slightly, I used to send 15 texts per year, mainly to say that I was stuck in traffic or whatever if I knew dinner was ready !)  But no, I stood my ground, mainly because I wanted the phone and was too tight to pay for the blasted thing so the only way I could get it free was if I paid more each month and got a stupid amount of calls and texts included.  Now Vodafone (remember other providers are available) have this great technology so that they can look at what you actually use from the last time you re-newed the contract so they were pretty much gonna give me a Nokia from the 1990s as my phone was not used that much.  I however stood my ground, I am the customer - I am RIGHT!  I will use the excessive amount of texts each month you stupid woman, you obviously don't know me that well and I don't care what your computer tells you- the reason I didn't text much over the last year was due to me seeing my friends face to face (blah blah blah, pinocchio had nothing on me that day, I lied for England just to get that blasted phone!)  So to cut this extremely long story short, I got the contract!  2 months later I become single and my phone catches fire - not literally but it remains at a high temperature due to the usage.  I have not been so popular - I nearly use my allocated texts each month and am never bored.  My social life has exploded and I am having to cancel people for fear of double booking!  I go out more, I do fun things and I have PLANS - many plans and you know what, its tiring but its fun.  Its Freedom.  The freedom to do what I want, when I want and not have to worry about pleasing somebody else or worrying that if I talk to this person it might upset somebody else.  Yeah, its strange not having somebody there to give you a hug when you need one, thats probably what I miss the most, but the benefits are such that I never really thought of.  I don't have to do stuff that I don't want to and if I want to act all crazy then I can. I like having friends to hang out with and although they were there befre, its different when you don't have a significant other.  You get invites and calls and texts that you wouldn't have got before - I really can't explain it!
I also get to act really crazy and can say things that I wouldn't before but not really worry about the consequences.  Life is easier - perhaps because I have grown as a person and learnt to stop punishing myself things that bound me in my former 'coupled' life.  Now, I live for me and me alone and I have to tkae control of my life as much as I can.  No regrets, no what ifs, no I should have done that but didn't because... now I start living.  I live for me and I live my life as I want to, I may make some mistakes but they are mine to make.  Bit like the shoulder pads, glad I kept the denim :o)

Come wander by soon - if you get bored, why not send a text? x

Tuesday, 9 November 2010

Faith and trust - is there one without the other?

Hey happy travellers!  Welcome back and sorry for the blog delay - put it down to personal turmoil!  Never one to be downbeat for long though - here I am back and raring to go- ok, we'll just say I'm back for now!!

I have been wallowing in the dark space in my mind recently, the part near the back of the eye-just behind the nostrils and trawling through the mental journals - doing a little spring cleaning of the memory matter - boy, it gets dusty back there!  Its the place where all little nuggets of life are kept safe so that one day they can pop back up -BOO! Here I am, forget I was here?

So trawling through the dross, I come across memories of seasons past - good times, bad times and indescriminate times, things that were good, bad and ugly, days I never wanted to end and days that will be permanently etched in the grey matter like a eulogy on a headstone.  The only consolation is I survived and whilst the scars slowly fade but never really heal, at least the pain becomes bearable - just!

Whilst examining the scars of a time I would rather forget but feel will be with me for my remaining years, however numerous they may or may not be, I come across the question of faith and trust.  Is there one without the other?  I believe not - you have to trust to have faith and you have to have faith to trust - I come to a dead end here.  What happens when all your faith and trust have been shredded?  Dessicated like coconut and scattered across the path of life?  What can you do to remain a balanced individual, a good natured person who wants to see the best in everybody and gives all they can but never really gets anything back in return?  Who can you trust?  Do you trust officials - people sworn to protect but who flout their position and hide behind it - who make you feel guilty, almost the perpetrator of THEIR actions when really you are the victim of them?  Who do you then put your faith in?  The people who make you feel guilty for being in the wrong place at the wrong time - the blame gets pushed back on you.

So now, there is very little faith and trust left in the small place behind the nostrils, I'm trying to work on it but its quite delicate to get the balance right - forgive me if I slip, normal service should resume, just not too sure when - at least denim is still in fashion, still can't stand the shoulder pads!  Oh, I cracked a smile - my wit will continue whatever!

Bring your passports next time travellers, we are going on a journey! x

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Technology on the move!!!!

Hello my chumly warners!

Sorry for the lack of travelling for a while - life appeared to catch up with me and suddenly evrything is up in the air, but now we have resumed a partial service - the engineers are looking at a fix in the future but it may take a while, anyway, I digress! 

Technology, isn't it great?!  It can be cheap and small and portable - I have a Netbook, Ok, there is no disk drive.....BUT.....I have apotable one which disconnects when I don't need it and so I can now blog on the move, when it takes my fancy and when I think of something important to say....well maybe not important bit I can say it when and where I want!

Also, not only do I have asmall Netbook which keeps me up to date with the great wide worls but I also have a small MiFi - a portable device, ok not so small but it does fit in a pocket, which enables me to have a WiFi connection in 98% of the country and it also works with my iPhone-I can now keep in touch with the whole wide world, check the news, watch BBC iPlayer (other internet programme catch up services are available) and do my shopping all while I'm on the bus or at myy desk at work - ok maybe only on lunchtime but its still there :)  I am at last whole again :)

Whilst on the subject of technology, I would like to congratulate my number one chumly warner of warnerville for latching onto the Twitter train - what a trooper, he took one for the team!!

I hope we travel along the path less travelled soon, love the denim - not so fussed with the shoulder pads :)

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

Mental Health Issues - I don't have any, honest, it's everybody else!

Hello my cranial wanderers, nice to see you again and glad that some (my chumly Mika) have decided to dabble their tootsies in the Blogging pool!!

Now then, down to business.  Mental Health Issues - yeah I know I have the box of tablets but really, I think I am the only sane person in the world!  It's really not me, it is everybody else.  I just have a sense of humour :)

I laughed at work the other day and those of you that know what I do, will know that sometimes laughter is really not appropriate - especially when dealing with people who are, lets say, in a wheelchair.  I just sit there imagining Oompa Loompas and tiny legs kicking backwards and forwards under the desk - what really got me is when she leant on her hands and rested her head, without bending!! I cracked up!  And then, I know its not PC and I know I am going to hell - hey, at least it's gonna be warm, I've booked my room already! then, I start thinking over Little Britain's Lou and Andy and I just want to scream out loud - I WANT THAT ONE!  I DON'T LIKE IT!! :)
Does anybody else get those inappropriate flashes - and the more you try not to laugh, the more you have to and then your voice gets higher and higher in pitch and then you feel like you are going to pop if you dont just laugh.  Happens quite a lot to me and I am my own worst enemy becasue my brain works so fast that small things seem really funny and they seem to balloon in my head.  They turn into the old 'should have been there' scenarios.

Now reading back over my blog I don't think I sound that sane - funny that, that when I started typing I was and now when I nearly end I'm not - very peculiar, what does that mean?
Anyway - off to **WIBBLE** now, wander by soon - did I mention I love your jeans? Not too keen on the shoulder pads though x

Monday, 30 August 2010

Life - and when should it end?!

Bonjour mon petit pois!!! Ca va?  It's good to be back on the planet of Thanet when its sunny - bit windy but at least the sun is shining :)
Today's walk on the wild side of my cranium is to discuss the subject that everybody should have an interest in - LIFE!  Why? I hear you scream at the monitors across the globe - that's right, I have a following of only three but they span the globe - USA, Doha and Thanet!!  Greetings one and all!  However, there are a sum of readers who decide not to follow - I was saying to Ollie earlier, I am a natural born leader, I just misplaced my flock, anyway, I digress.

Today's lesson is LIFE and when should it end?!  A contentious issue I know and I am not saying my view is right, but bear with me long enough to reach the end and I guarantee that you will see where I am coming from!  Euthanasia.  A tool that helps assist those that are suffering to chose when to go.  Now, what if the choice was already made?  In my world, the one where I am the ruler of all things (long live denim, not so keen on shoulder pads) the date would be set for EVERYONE.  Let it not be said that my world is not fair.  Euthanasia would be set at the ripe age of 65 - that's the age I have plumped for as it is old enough for you to do everything you want to but also gets you just before true health problems set in.  Please continue to read - think it through, why is there a lot of debt in this country, apart from the banks being unscrupulous with their lending habits?  There is a drain on the NHS due to old people - dentists, dentures, hip replacement clinics, Nursing Homes etc - the list goes on and on.  There is also a pension crisis as people are living longer - what if we could change all that?!  I'm not saying this because I dislike old people (ok, maybe a little but - seriously if they have no money to pay their heating bills, why oh why do they insist on shopping at Marks and Spencer(other food retailers are available although try to avoid the people where 'Very Little Help') and buying new cars which they use once a week to get to the end of their drives so they can put the rubbish in the bin?)  I mean, I know that I would love to know when my time was coming to an end.  Think of all the things you put off today because you can't be bothered or will do another time.  Does that time ever really come or do you sit there now, thinking I wish I had gone to that rave when I was 18 or I wish I had done a bungee jump but I'm too old now.  The excuses would dry up, because you know that the day before your 65th birthday is the deadline - on your 65th, you get a slap up breakfast and away you go to the great big Cruise Line in the sky.  Would you not appreciate everything all the more if you knew you only had 65 years to enjoy it?  At the moment, too many people think I'm going to live forever, that's not going to happen and we should wake up and smell the coffee beans!!  Life is not infinite - live it while you can.  So anyway, if any politicians read this, remember I said it first!! :)

Journey again soon if we are all spared and none of you are nearing your 65th :) x 

Sunday, 29 August 2010

Very Little Help

Hello my companions! How are we all today?  Well I am disgruntled in a VERY big way...thanks to the Supermarket which likes to boast that 'Every Little Helps'....yeah, right!!  Everything apart from your staff that is!  And relax!

Today, for a treat (well it was supposed to be anyway!) Ollietook me out for breakast, I was not having a happy day and this was to cheer me up.  Anyway, we trundle to Sainsburys and there were no staff to serve so we decide to pop over to Tesco to get some grub, the breakfasts are normally ok so thought nothing of it.  We get to the canteen - I am calling it a canteen as restaurant really doesn't stand up to any scrutiny - its barely a canteen really.  So we queue in time honoured Brit fashion and peruse the menu....8 items for £4 but you get a free bottle of Tropicana Orange Juice (other varieties are available) so we plump for that - a dirty huge fried brekkie but at least I get 2 of my 5 a day (one in the OJ and one in the mushrooms, possibly 3 if you count the beans but I'm not sure if they are acceptable in the 5 a day scheme, anyway I digress) So we decide that this is the option of choice and then we wait, they have run out of Hash Browns.  Now, I'm sorry, but for a fried brekkie, there are normally 3 things that are popular - especially if you are not the one cooking it!  Eggs, Bacon and Hash Browns.  I'm not sure if this only happens because the staff are getting paid minimum wage or whether its because the scramble egg has more common sense than the server, but they always wait until there is one Hash Brown, Egg or piece of Bacon is left until they decide to tell the Chef(?!) to cook some more.  And then the queue gets longer because, guess what?  Everybody wants the item thats run out!  Twice I have eaten at Tesco and twice, this has occurred - its not quantum mechanics really is it, as soon as you have half left, get them to cook more!  Anyway, so we wait.  This time though, they had bread for toast.  The first time, the bread had run out.  Again not meaning to be pedantic, but isn't Tesco one of the biggest Supermarket chains in th UK?  I have never seen Tesco run out of bread.  Could staff member have run to the shelf to pluck one or maybe even two loaves off to make a slice of toast or two for the paying customers.....fat chance, there's more likelyhood that I'll have a Christmas number one!  At least there was toast today, however there was no OJ as advertised, Ollie says to staff member 'Can I have the orange juice with the breakfast?'  Staff says 'Its in the fridge isn't it?'  Well bugger me, I didn't think of looking there, I only checked the hot plate - seriously, where else would you keep orange juice?  So we explain there is none there, can he go and get some?  Huff and Puff and Tesco falls down - if looks could kill?!  He trudges off and returns with 2 bottles of OJ and hands them over.  That's right, common sense died last night!  I would have thought, had I been paid peanuts to work behind the counter, that if there was none left on display and we were advertising it with the 8 item breakfast that everybody is buying that maybe 2 bottles may not have been enough.  Again - its not higher maths!  We leave it at that, we are ok, pull the ladder up - he will learn in time after the 50th trip to get OJ!  So we pay and walk over to the cutlery container.  It wasn't really that busy but they must have had a rush earlier because there was one fork left - Ollie and I were about to battle over it but I decided that maybe I should ask another member of staff for assistance, after all she was getting paid 2 bags of 'dry roasted' to serve the public.  If looks could mame, I would have a screwdriver (no forks were available at the time) sticking out of my temple!  She then trudged off and guess what, thats right, came back with 5 forks.  I looked at the queue after taking my weapon of choice and I could see 6 people alone in the queue let alone the other 7 who had just walked in - hmm, I know I only got a B at GCSE maths but even I could tell that 13 into 3 (I took 2 forks when she brought them out, they looked freshly washed or licked!) was not going to go.  After all this, the brekkie was luke warm and really not that great.  I have therefore decided to change the Supermarket slogan of 'Every Little Helps' to 'Very Little Help' - do you think its a selling point?  I may have to copyright it before they find out.

See you for a trundle soon x

Thursday, 26 August 2010

The Garlic Dinner

There are times in life when people come up with little nuggets of pure unadulterated humour and you just have to laugh - my week has been full of them!  Unfortunately, you really do have to be there for some!

Last night I made Cannelloni for dinner - I don't cook, well actually saying that I do cook.  I cook well.  I just hate it, I would rather stick pins in my eyes and sing the Birdie Song backwards whilst gargling with Caustic Soda (children - do not try this at home - cooking is much safer!)  Anyway, I digress.  I made Cannelloni and it tasted good.  I served it with Spinach and Garlic Ciabatta, lovely.  Cooking does not get tougher than this.  Anyway, I made Cannelloni and I served a plate for me and a plate for Ollie.  He ate all of his and the plate was clean - the sign of a successful meal.  One tme I served Mango Chicken and Lemon Cous Cous, what possessed me I don't know, it was rank and tasted like Lemsip with Marmalade Chicken, not my greatest but that is the gauge I have for my ffod.  It either gets eaten or left on the plate and even the flies won't eat it!  So the meal was a success.  Two hours later, lying on the sofa contented, Ollie turns to me: Did you put garlic in the Cannelloni?  I look puzzled and say: No, Why?  Confused look from Ollie:  Its just that I can taste garlic really badly  I chuckle to myself:  Could have been in the Garlic bread you ate?!  Ollie looks mortified:  I forgot about that!
It was funnier at the time! and then there was the one at wok when a chap came in and said he saw a nice red boat in Ramsgate with lots of chrome and a colleague asked if it was the life boat?  No, he said, it was red and had lots of chrome - it was in the harbour.  I turn round and say off the cuff - You sure it wasn't the Sally Ferry - he was not impressed but everyone else thought it was funny - you really had to be there :)

Thursday, 19 August 2010

Man(fa) Flu

Here we are again, thanks for stopping by!  I have cold feet, not because I am supposed to be doing something, its just that I still haven't found the 'other' sock - see last blog!  Sitting here bare footed and its a bit nippy on the old pinkies!

As you can tell from the title - I have Man(fa) Flu.  Its the next strain up from the deadly virus that is Man Flu, its only contracted by Manfa's so you should be safe - for now at least!  I am in the process of writing an article for The Lancet about it.  At the moment, its manifesting itself in the form of a deadly sore throat in the mornings and evenings, sniffles throughout the day, the occasional sneeze - I do so love sneezing, really clears the passageways! and constant yawning.  It just drains you, I was struggling to do the ironing earlier so I have left it for now - that's a good excuse for the future. 

The article I am writing for The Lancet is going slowly, you may have heard of The Lancet - a leading medical journal, they wanted my views on Man(fa) Flu as it is so rare - did I mention only Manfa's can contract it?  You should be safe!  Mind you, they said we would all be safe with the fashions in the 80s and look what happened - all denim (long live denim) and shoulder pads!  The world was taken over so perhaps the same will happen with Man(fa) Flu.    Anyway, its only a short journey today, I'm far too tired to type anymore and need to wallow in self pity - I wonder if anyone wants to pick up my medication, a Boost and a cheap trashy magazine.  Anything to make me feel better!  I'm still at work though - what a trooper!

I will walk with you on a journey soon, if I am spared! x

Saturday, 14 August 2010

Fairies - they ARE real, I have proof!

Being a female, there are certain tasks that one has to do - washing up, apparently ladies have smaller feet so we can stand closer to the sink, cleaning the bathroom - ok, there's not a physical reason that we have to do that but most men just don't want to, that's what I have found in my experience anyway!  And then there is the washing - of clothes I mean.  The endless task of sorting into colours, putting clothes in machine, adding powder and conditioner otherwise they come out dirty and solid as a rock, turning on to the correct programme and then waiting to spin after wash is finished, remove items into a basket, load next lot, repeat cycle and in the meantime hang out the wet stuff to dry.  Repeat ad infinitum.  It's the task that never ends.  As soon as you finish, more appears.  Anyway, where does the proof that Fairies exist come into this?  I hear you screaming at the screen?  Well, here it comes.....when I take clothes off and put into the basket for washing, two socks come off.  I sort into colours and yes, I have confirmed as I like to check these things, two socks go into the machine, the cycle runs and .... low and behold, one comes out of the machine!  There is a washing machine Fairy.  I haven't actually seen this creature and I presume it (not sure whether male, female or homogenous yet) is very tiny, there are only very small holes in the machine to escape, I make sure the door is always securely fastened when not in use as household accidents account for the majority of A  and E admissions in this day and age, I digress, I apologise.  So anyway, this creature has a strange fascination with socks, very bizarre really, I mean what does it do with them - it must have hundreds by now based on the credit card bills I have for replacing all my missing socks.  They go in machine and never come out.  Don't fear, I have tried removing the filter in the machine, 1) in order to track down said creature and dispose of in a way as humane as possible, I'm sorry but the bills for new socks are getting out of hand and 2)In order to check that there isn't a more plausible reason for the 'Mystery of the missing socks' such as the filter is sucking them out of the actual drum.  And the Fairy does not just limit itself to a life of seclusion in the washing machine, it also appears to like vacations to the Fridge, where any goodies which have been stored for later appreciation, such as bars of chocolate or yummy cakes, will also go missing without a trace.  Poof, gone.  Its very concerning.  I am hoping that the Fairy is nice and not cannibalistic, I have read in some texts not to trust these strange creatures as they can turn on you without warning and am glad that I haven't encountered said creature face to face.  I am concerned when I do the washing that one day, I will find the creature red handed, pilfering one of my socks or goodies from the fridge - what will I do?  unfortunately, the creature doesn't appear to have changed its taste in fashion (long live denim, not so keen on shoulder pads), socks, or should I say sock appears to be the thing to have.  Where do they take them to, would I find a land furnished with sock settees, sock carpets and little sock cars?  Does the creature eat them, if so, why the occassional binge in my fridge - its all very concerning.
So until the time I actually catch the creature, I may have to walk round bare foot and with cold feet unless I find a new way to furnish its footy fetish

Anyway, I shall walk with you on another journey soon, bare footed in future  x

Friday, 13 August 2010

Regression to funnier times....

Early morning, can't sleep....must blog!

Morning readership of two now!  I am hoping you are enjoying your brief vacation to the 'mind of the manf'a' - much can happen, little rarely does.  Today, I regress into the darker void of the jellital mind mass andlook back on funnier times that made me chuckle, Bible class!

I am not one for Religion - strike me down, I am going to hell (although if there is no good side then is there truely a bad side?)  But never one to appear unbalanced, I always give things a go - you know me, fair to the end.  Best to get all possible answers and then make an informed decision.  So todays nugget is about the time I got banned from bible class!  Yes, you read it right - the Church banned me from going again.  Most people are barred from pubs and clubs, I am barred from a Church - for asking a question!  It went something like this......(imagine radio 2 Steve Wright music here, you know, the Romeo and Juliet one!)
At the age of 12, Sam starts Grammar School and her best friend Chris is there too, they've been friends for years and years although religion wise they were light years apart.  Chris was a devoted Church attender, every Sunday she would be at the front of the queue, Sam on the other hand was queueing in the Co-op, damn I loved that Hypermarket, much better than the Tesco Extra, but now I am getting off subject.  Anyway, continue with the light background music...At each meal, Chris would offer thanks and say Grace before tucking in, I admit sneaking food in once all eyes were closed - I was hungry! and anyway, if all Christians (other religious denominations are available) eat at 12 pm and 6pm then there would be a lot of Grace's being said, surely thats too many to listen too, another question - wouldn't you get bored of hearing the same thing everyday at the same time?  Now times that figure by the amount of Grace saying Christians, and then factor in slight time delays and time zones and you get a headache!  So anyway, I duly sat there and was mainly quiet, said Amen in the right place and then had to try and disguise the fact that during the time Grace was being said and everyone was praying, that half of my lunch had miraculously dissapeared - I say Hallelujiah! Praise the Lord - he must have been hungry and chose to share with me!! So anyway, at school, the Gideons come in - a friendly bunch of people, easy to talk to - look normal but they have free books so I go running up to the front and get one - its a Bible.  I'm impressed - nobody has ever given me a Bible before and after looking in Waterstones (other book retailers are available) they are actually quite expensive to buy if you get a large one and I figured that the small ones must be quite expensive too because they have miniaturised it and still got the same amount of pages, so that must have cost a lot making the paper so thin, that's what I figured anyway.  So I take the book gratefully and handily enough, it fits into my blazer ocket so I carry it around for a week or two reading pages when I have the time, to see what happens.  To be fair, its a bit slow going and I'm not sure if the main characters are really that believable - the plot is slow and nothing exciting really ever happens, I become glad that I never put it in my Christmas or Birthday list, I would have felt short changed by it.  So anyway I think that I have read enough and have a list of burning questions about the text and talk to Chris about it, who is ecstatic that I have 'found religion' and would I 'like to go to Church with me on Sunday?'  I think about it, the Co-op will be there forever (how wrong I was!) and I was sure it wouldn't hurt - there was a Bible class for the youngsters after the main servcie and a Priest would be there to help 'guide you through the text'.  So I say OK.  And Sunday comes, I wear nice clothes as I am sure the Priest must know the Pope and he will talk to him after regarding this young girl who asked so many questions about the free book she was given, I was sure he would be impressed!  So we start at the beginning - Genesis.  That's good, I started there too, at least we both agree on how to best read a book.  Anyway, I love Dinosaurs and they weren't mentioned so I am confused.  In the service prior to Bible class, the Priest was talking of truth and how never to deceive people, that is wrong and leads you to the Devil.  I ask the questtion then about the Bible, is it the truth?  Oh yes I am told, the Bible tells it like it really is.  But I heard a rumour that the first gospel was written about 50 years (its that number again - refer to earlier blog on Stupidity) after the events described, thats a long time - a lot can change, including fashion (longlive denim, not so keen on shoulder pads) and if asked to recount something that happened 50 years ago, would you really remember all the details or do you embellish it? I mean I can't remember all the conversations we had on that day and that was only about 18 years ago so 50 years on I think you may struggle.  I digress further, he says that that is possible but that the stories all happened and they were recorded after being passed down through the generations - anyone played Chinese Whispers, I'll leave that point there for now, ponder on that over a cuppa tea!  So we go back to Genesis after establishing the Bible is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  So where are the dinosaurs, the animals are there one day and then a day later humans are there - no dinosaurs and science can prove they were here - we have their bones and can carbon date them. Well the dates are wrong, but the Turin Shroud dates are correct?  Is that the image of Christ?  Well thats not for us to debate in Bible class, not relevant.  But I think it is relevant, you can't say one is right and one is wrong - same test, different object but one's not a religious artifact.  Next question please.  Ok, so the Bible is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? We have already established that - Ok, so the earth was made in 7 days, but dinosaurs were here millions of years before humans, so does that mean that the calendar we follow is wrong?  I get blank looks - well, we follow a calendar of 7 days in a week, set by the Gregorians (I'm sure it was them, feel free to correct if wrong) as it fitted in with the religious beliefs at the time, religion works to 7 days in a week, must be true, its in the Bible which is the truth, the while truth and nothing but the truth.  Ok I think I am with you so far, he says looking fraught, where are we going with this?  Well I say, in that case, does that mean its really gonna be Sunday for a long time?  Puzzled looks.  So I try to explain, God created Man on the 6th day correct?  Yes.  And then he has a day of rest and they go off into the Garden of Creation and do whatever with the apples.  Yes.  So, if we look at the time lapse between each event, world being created, sun being created, animals being created, humans being created etc, which the Bible says is in days, then a day is actually a lot longer than 24 hours and more like hundreds of thousands, if not millions of years, in which case we will still be in Sunday for another couple of hundred thousand years.  No, you are wrong the day system is fine.  But that means my cats should have been created yesterday but I have had them for years.  Confused I am!  Well its not a literal day that is spoken about in the bible.  Ok, but you said the bibe was the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth but now I am taking it too literally and its not an actual day - which is it then - have you been lying to me? In which case why should I believe you now.  Priest goes funny colour, class finishes and I am led out of Church, nobody really very chatty and I'm not invited back.  Hmmm!

So there you have my thoughts on religion from my regression, it makes me chuckle. 
Come on another journey soon x

Stupidity - is it real or made up by a clever 'stupid' person?

Oh God, this is addictive!

Not content to leave my readership of one to ponder on the 'dead bird in flight' question, here is another to think through - Stupidity, does it really exist?  Of course, you shout at the screen saying it does, I however am not so sure.

Example number one, a 50 year old, yes, you read that correct, 50 years old, that's 5 decades of life - 5 long decades where much has happened, clothes have changed, I think for the better (long live denim,not so keen on shoulder pads) currency in the UK has changed, inflation has gone up and up, and very rarely down, we have joined the EU, in spirit if not yet fully in body.  Anyway, I digress to other blogs - my apologies! Anyhow, back to the 50 year old in question.  After the many years of living, breathing and belching, comes up with this little golden nugget that makes me chuckle.  What are Zebra crossings supposed to do?  My answer was, to enable Zebra's to cross the road safely, after all, coming from Africa  where there are not many roads, this can be a treacherous business.  I have seen many a flat Zebra in Thanet because of the danger posed of them not having a working understanding of the Highway Code.  Obviously, they can't walk into Smiths (other book retailers are available) and ask for a copy of the Highway Code in extra large bold print with pages thick enough to be turned by hoof.  I get a blank look - sarcasm is obviously not the way ahead in this situation, I try a different tact - the truth.  'They are there to help stupid people cross the road safely' I say,  'Oh, ok, but you just stopped when you got to the line and they crossed, why did they do that?' a puzzled look,  I answer 'Because cars are supposed to stop so the stupid people can cross over and once safely on the other side, the cars can then move on.'  Silence.  I look across to the passenger seat and the 50 year old is sitting looking embarrased.  'Why do you ask?' I say, trying to be non judgemental.  'Well, I always thought that you had to wait for the cars to go past and just stand there on the pavement until the road is clear, sometimes it can take a very long time for all the cars to go past, that's why I don't go to Tescos cos there are always cars - they often get annoyed with me standing there so I walk the long way round to the store'  I just stare ahead in dumbfounded silence - surely nobody is that stupid?  I mean, how can you survive for 50 years and not be able to cross the road properly?  and it calls into question a wide variety of things that the average person takes to be normal everyday things that then become 'dangerous'?  Take for example bleach, sharp knives and breathing, I mean what happens if a stupid person forgets to breath - do they have to think about breathing all the time just to stay alive, and then you factor in blinking and swallowing to name a few basic natural functions and you are heading for trouble!  I am seriously thinking that 'stupid' people put it on for entertainment purposes, I have however found them out :)

Join me for another journey soon x

In the beginnig...

Well, this is new and exciting!

I am creating a blog after a good friend created one, I thought - Wow, that looks good, I want one....and here we are!!

So, in the tradition of all good books....In the beginning, there was me and a computer and my thoughts.  Not a lot to go on but a lot can happen in the mind, especially if the person in charge of said mind is me!  The aim of my blog is not to be educational, humourous or a motto to live your life by...its my journey in words through the labryinth of my mind, and like the Twilight Zone, anthing could happen in the next half hour (or 5 seconds) depending on whether I've bored you yet - I do hope not, I would so like you to stay!

So the first topic to be discussed is - what happens if birds die in mid flight?!  Not a cheery subject but one that I was pondering on my way home whilst driving down a very fast road.  There was a poor pigeon who obviously had a meeting with his maker (oh, that's a subject for another day, I look forward to that one) lying in the middle of said fast road in a cloud of feathers.  I don't know how he got there, walking really is not an option - too many fast cars, so the only way possible was vertically down - I'm thinking heart attack or something, poor thing, but then I thought I have never seen a bird die in flight - does it happen? I suppose it must, I mean everyone has to go at some point - you get to know that about me, not one to shy away from talking about taboo subjects, life really is far too short and some hold large sarcastic and comedic value.  So anyway, back to topic, if a bird does die in flight, what happens?  obviously there would be some symptoms that are incompatible with life, hence it dies, but does it plummet straight to the ground or is there some kind of gliding that occurs? Planes don't fall straight down if their engines cut out, so what about birds - really they are just biological planes - interesting question, see?

Anyway, I'll leave that with you for now, ponder on it over a cup of tea and then come back another day for a little more blog, subjects to come are Euthanasia, Common Sense (or lack of it) and general chit chat about nothing in particular.  As a footnote, no offence is meant from any blogging and my therapist did advise it may be good to start one so I can getthings off my chest, a year on I took the advice - and its free!!

I hope you come for a wander into the mind soon x