Thursday, 20 January 2011

Stress in the Modern Day = Man, and the Friends who make it all better!

Evening travellers,

I was going to blog about my stressy evening but I have decided that I shall rise above the situation and will not allow myself to be dragged into the realms of forever going on about the most expensive mistake that someone has ever made.  I am rising above the natural thing of wanting to bad mouth and rave about the mistake and will just suck it up and await the final judgement when I see the actual evidence of the 'Fuck Up'.  That is all I will say about it for now.  Once evidence is received, that may be another story...but that's for another day.

So how do I continue with the subject of 'Stress in the Modern Day = Man' - well I can't cos I said that I wasn't going to dwell on it anymore and as it only relates to one man it appears that the subject has been prematurely closed - move swiftly on....

So, hey, how are you doing?  apart from the topic above, my week and so far my year has been going pretty darn well!  2011 appears to be the year of change, new beginnings and exciting things to come.  There are challenges ahead and I actually feel ready and in a position this year to tackle them head on.  I have so far this year, driven further than I have before - ever!!! I never thought that was going to happen and I also drove through London - something that I said I would never do, you know what? I survived and I did good!!  I have more confidence now in my ability and myself as a person.  I have changed from how I used to be, I put this down to various factors but the making of me appears to have been the split from the ex and the re-invention of Sam.  Not really a re-invention at all, just a re-discovery of who I used to be and who I spent years trying not to be. 

Its a funny thing when you wake up one morning and realise that the person that you spent so many years trying to run away from and hide away when you look in the mirror is actually the person that you should be and that people actually like you for that.  From August 2010 onwards, I looked at life like it was crashing down around me, and it was but not for the reasons that I thought.  I had helped to break down the barriers that were containing me because I wanted to be me again, I wanted to be the 'happy--go-lucky' person that I always was but who had gotten caged through circumstances.  When I realised this, it was quite a revelation.  It took for old friends to speak to me through Facebook to realise that I had lost myself along the way somewhere and I had trapped myself in a life that I wasn't really happy in.  Once you realise this, change happens fast and other's don't adapt well to it - I suppose it was apparent from the breakdown of the relationship - 2 and a half years in the making, that you start realising that there must be more.  Things happen that you overlook but they niggle away in the background until the whole lot comes rushing up to the forefront and the wheels fall off -- I'm not playing the blame game and I will take my fair share of culpability when it comes to it as I am sure that I prompted some of the affects of the circumstances, but some people give up too quickly and cave to temptations.  No judgements made, just fact. 

The lies and deceit don't wash though and respect and trust is lost.  There is no going back and whilst I can remain civil, the hurt runs deep and cuts to the core. No tears though - they left the arena years ago, they will come again I am sure but I will save them for somebody who deserves them. 

Luckily, there are people out there who can see through the facade that was erected and I am lucky to have really good friends who make me laugh and make me smile, I have special friends who mean more to me than they will ever know and who can say the best thing at the right time to boost my spirits.  These are the friends I love and cherish, the ones who I know I can depend on - who don't mind if I rant and rave and talk crap at any time of the day or night.  They are the friends who drop what they are doing to cheer me up and who give me sound words of advice.  To these people, you know who you are and I am grateful - you mean so much to me and I will return the favour one hundred fold when you need it.  These people have helped me laugh, trust and live again.  Some I have known for a long time and some I have known for a short time, it doesn't matter though - you are all the best and I love each and every one of you in your own special ways.  I just want to say Thanks from the bottom of my heart!  Love you guys! xxx

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