Tuesday, 8 November 2011


Hello peeps,

Sorry its been a while but life has been rather busy with travel, puppies and work!!

Today's journey is the start of a new path, highway, road or motorway as I'm now looking at it.  So, I am having a mini-me, a miniature version of myself - god help you all!!  I thought that the mould had been broken but apparently half survived and has allowed pro-creation! :)

So, I am now going to chronicle my new journey - I shall try and avoid sharing the majority of the gory details with you (for fear you may never read my blog again!) and also as I'm sure many of you can probably fill in the blanks - if not, put questions on a postcard, in approx 5-13 weeks it may be delivered courtesy of Royal 'Snail' Mail and then I shall respond and return so that you get an answer, rough turnaround approximately 7 months - baby may even be here then!

Anyway, I digress!  The tale shall start from moment that I found out I was 'with child' - I sound biblical now, not really meaning to but people appear to find it distasteful when I say that I am host to a parasitic being.  It is true - check the Chambers definition of parasite and you shall see I tell no lies - anyway back on topic, so I go to work and have a feeling that something is just not right and decide that 'What the hell, let's get a test and put my mind at ease(yeah right!)'  On way to work I drop into a well known bum-slapping supermarket and purchase a two pack (just in case!)  and I trot to work.  Now , not meaning to be gross but for those who are unaware - you have to pee on a stick.  Not any old stick but a special stick.  At time of arrival at work I had already emptied the tank so had to wait for a few hours and re-fuel.  At 10.45 am ( a time I will take to my grave) I feel ready and Operation 'Mind at ease' commences, I sneak a stick into pocket and make my way to the first floor toilets.  The necessary is done and the three minute Countdown clock starts - one line, test is working, wait......wait.......wait......nearly two miutes gone and there is a second line gradullay appeaing, very faint, ok.....panic.....where are the instructions?  In pocket, ok.....read.....read......one line test is working- got that bit, what about two?  Is that yes you are or no you aren't?  read.....read.....read......found it, two lines - Pregnant, but maybe not as the tests apparently can lie in 1% of cases but normally they are pretty good.  Ok, breath......check time......3 minutes gone......look at stick.....definately two lines, not one, two.....ok.....think....two lines - two people, me and a very minute mini-me in creation.....what do I do?  I'm at work, must go home and tell Mike, he may want to know as soon as possible......should I go home now or at lunchtime?  Especially as he has just come off a late shift and is sleeping.....nope, need to tell someone or I will pop!  So I calmly leave the cubicle - lines are now sinking in and I start grinning like a mad thing!  Its actually pretty cool - I'm going to be a mum and get to tell someone what to do, what not to do and how not to act like me!  I make my way downstairs, into the office and excuse myself for an early lunch - its ok as I'm leaving early anyway.  I drive home carefully - there are two passengers now and only one seatbelt, must be safe.  I get home in one piece and make my way in.  Mike is sound asleep and stirs when I walk into the bedroom - Why are you grinning?' he asks as I enter the room.  'Just pleased to see you'  I'm good at this, how many more rational normal answers can I give before I explode?  'Am I late getting up?' 'No, its just gone 11'  I respond - stil normal, the facade will slip soon, I'm sure of it.  'Why are you back so early?' he asks still looking very sleepy - 'Cos I think we are going to have a baby' I say very calmly - I even impressed myself 'Do you fancy a cup of tea?' I finish.  There was a look of utter astonishment and then 'Bugger'  Not a response I was expecting but he was still asleep at the time, pretty much anyway!  Lunchtime ends and I return to the office, I'm still impressing myself with my calm exterior and gradually tell people after family and friends are told, various reasons behind this - mainly because Mike finds it hard to keep certain secrets and its actually quite cool news - for once I knew the gossip first!!  So I tell peeps at work and some say they knew anyway and some guessed - many ask how and when did you find out and are astonished that I did the test at work.  One even said 'I can't believe you did the test in the first floor toilets!'  My response was 'well would you rather I peed on the stick in the middle of the office?'  Distasteful look - must remember some people do not understand Manfa humour - I hope that Chiplet does (that is the new name for baby parasite as 'it' seems very impersonal and reminds me too much of a deranged alien spider clown thing from Stephen King fame) And now the excitement starts, I have to try and fit into my normal clothes with an ever expanding waistline - never easy, get used to new aches and pains, having no bladder control and craving marmite inbetween bouts of nausea and sickness -  its really attractive!  Not to mention now being in the care of the National Health Service - I have high hopes bearing in mind the first doctor I saw looked and sounded like Yoda, then waiting 2 weeks for a midwife to call to then arrange an appoitment to see me in 3 weeks time - its a good job that I know that I'm not allowed certain foods and stuff cos otherwise Chiplet would have been inundated with lager and mayonnaise, not to mention the coffee! 

That's enough for now - tiredness is setting in again and too much of a good thing can sometimes be bad (hark at me!)  Anyway, ta ta for now - if you would like to assist in the Maternity Clothes or Baby range just remember that Denim is a must have, really not so keen on shoulder pads! x

Saturday, 7 May 2011

The Amazingness of YOU!

Hello Chums,

What a lovely day it is today - the forecast rain appears to have been mis-forecast!

Today I am ruminating on the fantastical trip I take everyday called Life and the amazingness (is that even a word?) of the people I meet, know and love.  Life is a journey, a lesson to be learnt and a challenge that needs to be mastered.  Some people manage it easily and others have to struggle through - its hard and tough going sometimes, sometimes the ride is smooth but we all continue nevertheless trying to reach the end - where it is who knows and when we will get there is anybodys guess.

The thing about life that gets me though is the people you meet along the way - the ones who get or appear to anyway, everything and anything they want, they never struggle and everything appears to fall in their lap - do they appreciate it? Probably not, and do I really like them - those people definately not!  They are the people who annoy me most in the world - I try hard to make something of my life, I don't ask for much and I carry on regardless of whether times are easy or tough - I try not to moan and just appreciate what I have.  They think they have earnt what they have got and that everybody should bow down to their every need and whim - not me, you have to earn respect and you shoud strive to help others if you can. 

The people that mean most to me are those who don't actually think that highly of themselves.  They are the amazing people.  The people who have had so much happen to them, yet they don't play on it - they get on with life.  The ones who don't need to change themselves but have tried to do so to make others happy - forgoing their own happiness in the process.  The people who refuse to be victims and don't live off what has happened in the past but move on.  The ones who make mistakes but are brave enough to admit that they have done that and to actually learn from them and try not to do it again.  Those are the people I respect and the people I love.

So this is to all the amazing people out there - you know who you are!  Keep going, the end is in sight :)

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

Spiders.....with Size 10 feet

Hello chumlies - may I say Happy Star Wars Day to you all and May the Fourth be with you!

Today I will share with you a pet hate of mine - Spiders - urgh!!  Even the thought of them brings the hairs up on the back of my neck.  Not only do I hate them, I have a tremendous fear of the blighters and also a scary sixth sense that lets me know when there is one in the house with me - you've heard of GayDar - I have SpiDar - did you like what I did there, clever bird me!!

Anyway, if there is a spider in the house, it must be evicted!  I have plucked up the courage to place a glass strategically over said critters if I am alone otherwise, it's the man of the house who needs to do the eviction!  My Dad used to be my saviour - many a day would end with me climbing the wooden staircase to Bedfordshire, only for a pained wail to come ringing back down.....'DAD'  the response was instantaneous and always the same....'HOW BIG IS IT?'  Almost certainly followed by 'MASSIVE / HUGE' and the slow thud of Dad coming to rescue me from the demon spawn of Satan.  Now I'm not at home with Dad, the role of Head Evictioner is Mike's - and he's not doing too bad so far, especially bearing in mind that he doesn't really like them either.  He has picked some up by their leg - how he does that I don't know and am not going to try!

So for a while, Mike has been evicting the demons of nature.  Then the other day, I go for a shower and the MOTHER of all spiders is in the tub!  When I say the MOTHER I mean THE MOTHER - it was HUGE, in fact it was so big you could hear the size 10 Nike trainers it was wearning clattering in the tub whilst it walked along.  Big Beast is not even coming close.  The funny thing is, now you will probably be sitting there imagining a huge spider in a bath wearing size 10 trainers :)

She sat there looking at me, I stood there looking at her and there was a moment of pure tranquility.  She resumed her pacing and the tap tap of her size 10 feet resumed.  The thing that I find cool is that as a spider has 8 legs, that means 8 feet and that means 40 toes - now that is a lot of nail varnish required!  So the moment of tranquility passed and I hollered to Mike - 'There's a spider in the bath, can you come and rescue me?'  The now standard response of 'How big is it?' is uttered so I respond 'It's big enough to have size 10 Nike Trainers and is having a bath'  So Mike comes to the bathroom and he is shocked by the size of the Beast - it truly was large and unfortunately she met her untimely end there and then, now I don't like killing spiders - I don't like them and want them evicted bu always try my utmost to keep them respiring if I can, it aids to my mental well being making sure that all creatures are safe and well, alive.  But she met her end and it was acknowledged that yes, she was a Big Beast.

Weeks pass and there are a few more spiders in the house, I am in bed one night and I just feel that something is not right - Mike is on a night shift and not due to return until 7am so I make my way with a certain unease into the front room.  I turn and TWO medium sized spiders run at me - its a skirmish and I am not a happy bunny at all.  I am trapped in the living room with TWO spiders holding me to ransom - size 6 and size 7 Adidas trainers on these ones and they look the BIZ!  I grab the only things to hand, 2 glass holders with Veranda Breeze candles in and manage to place strategically over the top of them - one on each.  They were FAST buggers too and all I can hear is the banging of 8 trainers against the glass.  Well, they were going to be two of the best smelling spiders after a night under a Veranda Breeze Candle - no deodorant required for them, there was also a small spider - size 2 Fila Trainers on the wall in the bedroom and that one too is trapped under a glass awaiting the return of Head Evictioner to dispose of.  I now no longer care if they are released or meet their end as I was attacked in the middle of the night and held hostage by the Buggers!

Now somebody really mustn't like me upstairs as a couple of days after the skirmish which so nearly ended in tragedy, me having a heart attack and being tickled to death by 80 tiny spider toes - urgh!  There then appears ANOTHER Beast in the Bath.  This one was HORRID!  Only a Size 8 Reebok but my god did it have a BIG butt - so Big that it extended to possibly three times the size of the head end.  Again I holler for my saviour and dutifully he arrives to rescue me - he is not happy and once the spider has been disposed of comes to give me a re-assuring 'I'm safe' cuddle and bless him, he is shaking!  I have never seen a creature do that to a man and I don't want to again - urgh!!

So next time you have a spider in your house, just think what size trainers it wears and how many toes it has - I wonder if thet wear denim too, possibly not shoulder pads!  I will see you all  soon - possibly on Babylon 5 day :)

Thursday, 14 April 2011

Luck - hmm, skill or chance?

Hi ho chums!

Along the path of enlightenment we shall continue to travel!!!  Well the cranial junctions of my brain anyway but hey who's counting?

Today I am thinking about Luck - does it exist, is it chance or actually a skill?  So I was sitting down today and contemplating my current position of loved up-ness, and it hit me - there is one life sustaining planet that I know of, Earth.  Its the only one I am going to inhabit so we shall just count that one for now - ok - its not really that remarkable a fact but its a fact nonetheless.  So for the sake of arguements, one Earth.  On that one Earth that is not so remarkable, there are 7 seas - undisputable, there are Oceans but I'm only counting Seas - it makes it more dramatic that way - Oceans are too large and it takes longer to type Ocean than it does Sea, so we'll stick with Sea for now.  Then, depending upon how you classify them, there are roughly 195 Countries and 180,000 Islands - the figures are not exact, this is not a precise science and I'm not stating this as a matter of fact - I am merely trying to get a point across so forgive the data issues.  So a lot of land masses anyway or varying categorisations and the number changes daily in cases of new land masses as volcanoes are erupting and creating new islands, the glaciers are moving and breaking off so we shall say a rough figure of 180,000 - some inhabited and some not, it doesn't really matter that much.  On the one Earth and the approximate 195 Countries and 180,000 islands, there are distributed approixmately 6,884,909,953 people - now what are the chances that one person - me, will meet one person that I tuly love and want to spend all my time with - I would say pretty small.  When you look at the semantics attached to this - its pretty extraordinary!  And what are the chances that the feelings are reciprocated, I would say even smaller - there can't be any skill to it - its got to be pure chance!!!  Its when you look at the details that you seem to see how tiny a being you are and how much life is just a game of pure chance, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.  I feel like I have been given the winnig hand at the moment though and life is good, long may it continue!

:)  going to check the denim is still in the wardrobe now - not loving the shoulder pads!! LOL :p

Saturday, 2 April 2011

The Saga continues.....

Hello travelling chums,

As promised on an earlier blog, the 'Princess and the Pea' - if you haven't read it yet, why not?  it is a work of literary masterpiece, the saga or story now continues......

We left the Princess sleeping on a pea.  Not very comfortable and probably not the best idea that any Princess has ever had, but it seemed good at the time - anyway, she still saw herself as a lowly servant girl and sleeping on peas appeared to be the 'in thing' for servant girls at the time.  Anyway, I digress, so she was sleeping on the metaphorical pea which basically was a ball of all her issues and as we discussed earlier, it kept her grounded. 

One day, the Princess was surfing the internet, it's something that she could do relatively hassle free whilst confined in her half height tower.  So she is surfing on the electronic waves when she comes across a Knight that she used to know when she was working amongst some of the supposed Knights who turned out to be the wolves in sheeps clothing.  A conversation was struck up and the Princess was chatting to the Knight about what he was doing and he asked her if she wanted to ride with him on his horse one day and travel into the enchanted forest.  The Princess thought long and hard, she had been let down before by the Knights but she remembered this one to be kind and genuine so she decided that one ride into the forest would be fine, she was not going to travel too far into the forest, just in case she was wrong although she hoped with all her heart that she was not. 

The days and nights came and went, it was suddenly the day of the ride and the Knight contacted her again to check that she was still going to ride with him and that the pre-arranged time was suitable - what a gentleman he was!  She was scared and nervous but the Princess decided that a short ride would be nice and she wanted to see the Knight again - she had always liked him but never had the courage to speak to him, just watch from a distance, hoping that one day he would notice her, but that day never appeared to arrive so she moved on along her path.  However, now the Knight had noticed her and she wanted to be courageous and travel with him for a while.  She told the Knight that she would go travelling with him at the pre-arranged time and mounted her horse to go and meet the Knight.  She travelled to an inn which was within the enchanted forest and stood outside looking within.  The windows were small and dusty and the view was obscured.  She could not tell if the Knight was within the inn, whether it was a cruel joke and he was not there at all and she stood contemplating whether to be brave and enter the inn or to ride back to the half tower and hide away again.  The Princess decided that she needed to be brave and that if it was a cruel joke then she would hold her head up high and laugh along as well.  She reached out shaking and turned the handle of the inn door and entered.  To her surprise, the Knight sat and when she entered he smiled and said hello.  Her heart started beating again - it had stopped briefly along with her lungs when she was going into the inn - these places are not really suitable for lonely Princesses or even servant girls.  She sat next to the Knight and they talked and laughed and joked into the evening and gradually the light faded and the innkeeper came to lock the doors. 

Being a modern day Princess, and happy that the Knight appeared to have well and truly now noticed her existence, the Princess decided to be courageous again and decided that it was a suitable idea to ride with the Knight back to his knigdom, which was not too far from her own.  He was surprised at this idea but agreed and they rode next to each other, still laughing and joking as they went.  They arrived at his kingdom and the Knight was again a true gentleman and the Princess was very happy.  She decided that it was safe for the Knight to be given her mobile phone number but in her happy state, she mixed the numbers.  She left his kingdom and travelled quickly back to her half tower and then realised what she had done.  Mortified, she tried to contact the Knight via the internet to let him know that she was not trying to play a cruel trick on him but had genuinely mixed up the numbers - she was too dark to be a blonde but she felt so silly all the same and hoped that the Knight would understand.  Time ticked by and she heard nothing, then the next morning the Knight contacted her and let her know that he had been concerned as he had the number wrong.  They decided that they wanted to meet each other again as they had had a lovely evening together and the Princess was happy as she really liked the Knight.  As time went on, the Princess and the Knight saw more and more of each other and one day when the Princess had left his kingdom, the Knight sent her a text saying that he thought he ..... ..., the Princess read this and was puzzled but then looked at the spacing and realised what he had said, without actually saying it.  Her heart melted as she looked within herself and realised that even though they had only seen each other for a short time, that she felt the same and she ..... ... too.  He was the most generous, kind, caring person that she had ever met and he wanted to look after her and she thought back over all the conversations that they had had and she knew that she wanted to look after him too.  She listened to his stories that he told and how each of the Princess's that he had known before hand had turned out to be anything but and had tried to change him from the Knight that he was.  She told the Knight that she wanted to be with him for the Knight that he was and that there was nothing that he needed to change as in her eyes, he was perfect and he was grateful for this.  Each day, the Knight makes the Princess smile and she now believes that part of her may be a Princess and that she is worthy of being loved and it feels nice.  They now travel together through the enchanted forest and have promised each other that they will look after each other and fight any monsters or foes that they meet together and they are both now living happily ever after.........to be continued, thanks for stopping by with your denim - thankfully no shoulder pads! x

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Apologies for lack of service - normal schedule will resume shortly - maybe!!

Hello Chumlies,

Apologies for the absence, I have been slightly busy of late with life, work and well life again! :)
Is it correct to add smilies to a blog - who cares, I've done it now so there :p have another one for good measure!

So I have had a blogging break and am starting again as I am off sick from work with a bug and there is not much else to do other than load all my CDs onto iTunes (other mp3 formats are available - ok, maybe thery aren't but who cares?!) and watch films all day.  As I am loading my whole CD collection onto iTunes currently, I may as well blog inbetween inserting CDs into the drive!

What has happened recently of note - hmm, well - all change at the station!  I have bought a new laptop as the Netbook screen was a tad too small to do much with and I needed more memory so that the CD collection could be transferred, also started going out with a lovely chap called Mike, was gonna say a new man but I have kind of known him for some time, going back to my Special days and when I worked at the Police Station so pretty much 5 years-ish.  Very strange how life appears to go full circle, but I am very happy at the mo, we get on really well and did I mention that I've moved in with him?  No, must have slipped my mind but I've dropped it into the conversation now - keep doing that and it's amazing the looks you get when you do that - tee hee!! 

That is pretty much all that 's gone on - not a lot really - LOL!!  The cool thing is that we get on really well and its like we have known each other for years and years, ok I said we have known each other for about 5 years which is a long old time but we never really spoke for one reason or another, making up for that now, along with other things - but that's not for here!  Anyhow, gotta get on and change some more discs, will travel again soon along the mindful path, until then - long live denim! 

Monday, 24 January 2011

Am I Special - well I was once!

Hello travelling chums,

Tonight I have been reminiscing about when I was a Special (or Speckle to those who know me better!)  I have spent most of the evening thinking and digressing about the many hours of duty time that I did, the long days, the longer nights and the life experience that I gained and which I think has helped me to appreciate the good and bad bits of life - at 29 I can say hand on heart that I have lived and I have made a difference to somebody's life.

So I thought it would be nice to share some of those experiences - both good and bad with you, some of you will know where I am coming from as you will have experienced the same or similar scenarios, and some of you will never experience anything close.  It won't make you less of a person and it doesn't make me better than you - it just helps to get into my head for 5 mins, perhaps even 10!

So at the age of 22 I decide I want to live life and experience it to the full but I have a job at the police station which I love and a lot of spare time on my hands.  I come up with the hair brained idea of becoming a Speckle!!  So one day I call for an application pack and I apply- I don't discuss it with anybody as the conversations from family and boyfriend all revolve around the 'danger' issue and I impulsively strike while the iron was hot - that is me, little Miss Impulsive!  So I join and I manage to scrounge a lift to Maidstone every weekend for about 8 weeks to do the training - being little Miss Competitive too I have to be top of the class and teacher's pet (always have been, always will be!) so I study hard and I pass the tests with 100%.  I have made it, I am now a Speckle.  I am a crime fighter, a hobby bobby, call me what you will but do NOT call me a Plastic Policeman, they are PCSOs - always have been, always will be.  As I fondly state to anyone who wants to ask, I have the same training as a Regular, I have the same kit and I do the same jobs but I don't get paid, I do it for love - love of the job and the adrenaline rush when a call comes in and you have no idea what you will get to when you reach the other end, and most of all, love of the feeling that I am actually doing something that will help somebody else, somebody who needs you and relies on you to do a good job and help them - there is no greater reward than that - helping somebody in need because you can.

So I start doing fetes and carnivals, they are bread and butter basics for Speckles - or used to be anyway but there is always something happening.  And then there are the shifts when you are with other Speckles and then there are shifts when you go out with the Regulars - here are a selection of my favourite memories.

I went out one day shift with a Regular officer - it was a Sunday and it was very Q - you never say the full Q word as I found out as it is a jinx!  If you don't know what it is - 5 letters and means the opposite of loud!  So it was Q.  We washed the car and we went for breakfast at the Beano cafe in Westgate, you never know when you will get refs  soo you take the opportunity when you can.  We then leave and a call comes in - DV.  Domestic Violence.  I hate those calls like no other, sudden death anyday over a DV.  We take the call and we head to Margate.  We enter a flat - myslef and my male colleague.  The sight we are met with is horrific.  Drugs paraphenalia EVERYWHERE.  Children walking around half clothed and crying, trying to avoid stepping on used needles.  The information we are given is that after a heated arguement, the male had left the property and run off after assaulting his partner.  He needs to be found as he was potentially armed with a weapon so my male colleague gives chase through the exit that the male went.  I was alone in the property with  the victim, her children, her friend and her friend's children.  I start taking details instinctively, descriptions, what happened and why, I update the details over the radio and listen to the commentary of the chase in progress.  About 10 minutes after a Dog Section Officer arrives, he had been called as my male colleague was concerned that I was at the property on my own, there was intelligence that the occupants were potentially violent.  He comes in and looks at me - asks if I am ok and I say yes, I give a run down of the details and it is at this point that I actually take stock of my surroundings, not only are there knives on nearly every surface but there is a claw hammer wedged in the kitchen door where she had tried to hide from her partner and he was so determined to get to her that he treid to smash the kitchen door in.  Shock is not a word that I link to that day - when I left the property and got back into the patrol car after the suspect had been apprehended I was shaking so much that I couldn't use my swipe card to get back into the station.  The thing that annoyed me most was the victim who left the property to stay with friends, was advised not to go back and to let things calm down - she didn't.  The next day she was in a coma as the hammer lodged in the door became lodged in her head - they never take the advice.

From a bad shift to a funny one!  I went out on duty with a fellow Speckle and we were just going around the Thanet area picking up any calls that came in which the Regulars weren't too interested in taking.  I requested that we take a call for anti social behaviour on the St Peters estate as I had been to the address the previous week for a similar matter and I thought it would re-assure the lady if she saw a familiar face.  So we request the call to the surprise of the resourcer.  We attend and sort the matter and the lady was really happy that I remembered her and came back to help her, words  of advice given, youngsters suitably admonished and we were away.  We head back to the station as there was a request for a female officer to conduct a personal search in custody and my colleague says that he will deal with a call for more anti social behaviour - this time in the form of a noise complaint from an old people's home in Birchington, an easy call to deal with on his own.  So I am dropped at Margate and conduct the search - hmm, a systematic procedure to locate voids, I remember that definition well and there are some things you don't want to remember.  Especially when Vicky Pollard is asking if you enjoy touching her up - yes love, I can think of nothing better to do with my time than fondle your boobs!  I then hear on the radio an update to the call that my collegue had attended, he is requesting a talkthough with me and requests my assistance with the call.  He motors back to Margate and  I am collected and we travel back to Birchington.  He is unusually quiet in the car and I am concerned but he doesn't say much.  We attend the address and there is an almighty racket, TV and Radio up to full volume.  We bang on the door, I say We - it is the Royal We - I bang on the door and my collegaue hides around the corner, the old man comes to the door and tells us in no uncertain terms to Fuck Off.  Lovely.  I bang on the door again and call to the gentleman who states he can't hear me and will phone the Police if I don't go away - 'I am the Police' I state, oh why didn't you say?! Well actually I did!  He wants to see my warrant card so I hold it close to the letter box and he tries to grab it but can't quite reach.  I look at my collegaue who is looking really sheepish now and I twig, this is the same thing that happened to him apart from his warrant card went through the door!  Oh dear!  After 25 minutes of negotiation we manage to get the warrant card back and the TV and Radio are turned down. We then result the call and I am surprised to hear the resourcer laughing their heads off as they twigged that my colleague had told them over the radio that he needed his colleaugue to go with him as the old man was abusive and they had images of the 'colleague' being a burly officer rather than a female!  It was even better when I informed of the warrant card escapade!

Another time when the resourcers had a chuckle was when 3 of us Speckles were out on a Saturday night in St Peters.  There was a call to the Skate Park relating to a group of youths generally being a nuisance so we drive over and as soon as we pull up the 5 youngsters did a starburst over the wall and into the field.  Myself and my 2 male collegaues exit the car and try to give me a leg up over the wall but I am laughing too much and can't get my leg over - no rude comments please!  So they eventually get one of them over, the other gets back in the car and drives round one side of the field and I decide to give chase round the building as I know the area well and there is a wooded area behind the park.  So I make my way up the steep embankment and I get to the top - unbeknownst to me it is now used as a fly tipping ground and when I get to the top I promptly go A over T and land in a heap of broken glass, barbed wire and old tires at the bottom.  My hand is cut to shreds by the broken glass and I have hit my head on a 4 by 2 pice of steel, needless to say I am not a happy bunny!  I gather my wits about me and stand up carefully, blood pouring down my arm and I am not ashamed to admit I swore LOUDLY!  However partway through my potty mouth tirade, a tiny white face appears, looks at me and shouts ' Run, Police'  I look, laugh and say I am the Fucking Police, I suggest you stand by the car and don't move!  Then another face and another and another appears, I have all 5 of them in front of me looking aghast.  I was dishevelled, muddy and bloody and my head throbbed like a good'un.  I must have given them the scariest look as I yelled at them to stand by the car and I wasn't in the mood for any messing about.  They all slunk off like puppies told off for weeing on the rug. I collected my thoughts and tried to radio my colleaugues as I needed help - I was losing blood and feeling quite queasy and there was no chance that the kids would still be by the car if they had any sense, they would have legged it.  I got no reponse on my radio so I called the control room and requested a talk through with my colleagues but they couldn't contact them.  I made my way carefully and slowly back to the patrol car and what greeted me - 5 young men standing in a line!  The silly sods were waiting for me - I must have given them one hell of a look!  I radio'd back to control and informed them that I had five in custody, they wanted me to confirm where my colleagues were and I informed them that they were probably still in the field chasing the five youths.  Yes, I can confirm five in custody.  Eventually my two collegaues returned and were greeted by me taking the details of the 5 youths, still with blood pouring down my arm and now the world was spinning.  They took over and searched the youths who were let go with a severe bollocking from me for making off from police and minus some alcohol and fags which were seized as they were all under age. My colleagues tried to recover the situation by updating control but they already knew that the lone femal officeer had apprehended 5 alone whilst my colleagues were doing what?  Turns out they were making dog noises to try and make it sound like they were tracking the kids down,   funny now I look back on it but at the time I was furious as they had changed their radio channels and not updated anybody.  I got driven back to custody where I then spent 30 minutes being patched up by the Custody Sergeant, he put a plaster of my hand and everything!

So that's some of my tales, I have more to share but these shall do for now, other tales involve traffic accidents, missing persons, dead bodies, sudden deaths, burglary, theft from shops and a hell of a lot more weird and wonderful scenarios like fights on train platforms and topless modelling on Margate Sands.  As I say, I have experienced a lot and that may be why not a lot phases me now but it adds to the great diversity of life experience.

Hope to see you again soon, stay safe x